


T'was the night before Christmas

by AwatereJones



Series: Christmas Daze [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Funny, Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 01:12:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: The night before chrismas as they all prepare for the next day ... yeah, poem style.





	1. Chapter 1

T'was the night before Charismas and all though the Hub

It was lovely and quiet as they were all still at the pub

Staggering in came the team with the klaxons blaring

Owen risqué and feeling daring

.

Ianto begged off knowing the little fiend's looks

The others to silly to say they were reading a good book

Settling for a drinking game or three

Underneath the Torchwood Christmas tree

.

Truth or Dare was the game to play

Owen teasing that this game he would slay

If that Elf on a Shelf had not looked at him creepily

He would have won but then said he was sleepy

.

Gwen didn't notice when the scissors flashed at her rear

Owen getting a dare done, told to cut someone's hair…(Tosh…snigger)

Tosh was a natural, telling amazing lies

Gwen believing each Porky Pie

.

Jack staggered off, his Welshman calling

Soon it would be tomorrow morning

The others left to drink some more

Owen wanting to better his score

.

The Elf on a Shelf had been Gwen's idea

Explaining the tradition with such aplomb and flair

Owen declared it an ugly little fuck

Then set about trying to kill the poor Puck

.

Spit balls, paper darts and other things flew

The Elf on the Shelf sliding over like he knew

Owen even implored the leathery bird

Myfanwy made out she never heard

.

Ianto knew the fucking Elf would be his to adjust

Another thing to add to his list of fuss

Toshiko was no help at all

Telling stories of killer elves to one and all

.

Fuck Ianto hated Christmas through and through

Even if Jack promised a treat if his brain box never blew

Jack knew only one thing would calm the savage Welshman

.

The coffee beans from the hidden drawer a gift with the name tag 'Yan'


	2. T'was the morning of Christmas

T'was the morning of Christmas and all through the House (Well hub but that didn't rhyme)

Ianto was roaring as at five am Owen did rouse

All from their beds, still half drunk and leery

Looking at the little shit who was surprisingly merry.

.

The gifts under the tree were mostly still there

As well as a hank of Gwen's long hair

The reminder as she stared at the long lock

Reminded her of which little shit had drunkenly cut it off.

.

"For the love of Coffee, sit and fucking open!" Ianto screamed

Everyone sat like school kids about to be reamed

One by one he retrieved the trampled and waterlogged gifts

Owen gamely trying to blame it on the Rift

.

As if he didn't know Ianto's mind was still sane

Knew who had started that fucking drinking game

The one with the largest gift in his lap

Was overdue to take a Ianto 'love tap' (A headbutt for the great unwashed)

.

Tosh was delighted as she opened hers first

Found lovely earrings and a silk purse

Gwen made a comment about purses and swine

Then said grumpily "Where is mine!"

.

She took the gift and knew straight from the wrap

It had been chosen by her favw secret Santa … Jack

She tore at the wrapping with childish glee

Then sat looking with confusion at the bonsai tree

.

"Wait, that was for Tosh, Gwen gets the one in pink"

Jack pointed to one still in the drink

Tosh accepted the Bonsai with a look of quiet delight

Gwen opened her real one and then stared at the night light

.

"Cos you got scared of the dark when you lost your torch"

Jack pointed out like it made sense, of course

The unicorn night light turned from pink to blue

Gwen smiled weakly as her temper almost blew

.

Jack opened his, made a noise and slammed it shut

Looked at Owen and frowned, then opened it back up

Ianto looked over and saw the reason for the start

Those red stilettos will make him look a right tart

.

"Wait, that was for Ianto" Owen said as he swapped

The box and another from the water he slopped

Jack opened this one with a flouncy flair

The Ianto roared with mirth as the present was laid bare

.

"Why Owen this might be for me too"

Ianto chortled as he watched Jack try to sort what to do

Myfanwy sorted the problem in a jiff

Flying down to seize the dildo and she gave it a hiff

.

"Oi, that cost good money," Owen gasped

The big leather bird turning to give him a blast

Clacking her beak and making her talons rake

She told him off for the fat rubber snake.

.

"Next year it is at Tosh's flat" Ianto muttered as he put things away

He always hated Christmas Day

* * *

 


	3. T'was the night of Christmas

T'was the night of Christmas and everyone was well fed

Sitting in their chairs with paper hats on their heads

Ianto was sipping the wine Jack had poured

Pretending he hadn't just been scrubbing the floor

.

Gwen sat sullenly chewing some ham

Rhys sat beside her sniggering into his hand

Ianto's eye slid over to warn with a glare

Gwen dropping her head to hide behind what was left of her hair

.

Tosh was sipping on wine as well

She for one felt rather swell

Ianto had not scolded yelled or blamed

Tosh knew she was not needing to feel any shame

.

Owen however sat still at the end in a strop

Toilet paper shoved up his nose with his paper crown in a flop

Ianto's eyes slid to him next

Owen smiled bravely like it might be a test

.

The Elf on the shelf was a molten mess

A clump of burnt plastic with his life gone west

No one was admitting to who set the fire

Owen knew the moment was dire

.

Finally Ianto cleared his throat

Looking around like seeking a vote

"Enough, it seems Buddy is simply dead"

Owen relaxed too soon as Ianto added "Let's watch the CCTV instead"

.

Tosh nodded and soon Owen was on the verge of weeping

As on the screen they watched him creeping

Then the whoosh of flame and poor Buddy was toast

Owen dancing on screen in a silent boast

.

Jack cleared his throat and looked at the little man

Who clearly had not thought through his plan

"So … you killed the elf" Jack said with a huff

Owen leered like he thought he was tough

.

"Keep it up little shit" Ianto said in that tone of warning

That told them all the night was going to be far from boring

Owen tired to look like he was not scared

The entire vibe seemed a little weird

.

Ianto reached up and tapped his forehead

The warning giving Owen a feeling of dread

His own hand moving to the large egg forming

Form Ianto's head butt received in the morning

.

Ianto settled back to sip some more wine

He was starting to feel just fine

Jack relaxed as he saw Ianto smile

The wine selection might be worthwhile

.

Rhys watched the entire thing with glee

He would have happily paid a small fee

He never knew Ianto was such a funny fucker

Capable of making such lovely tucker

.

Gwen was relieved the day was almost done

Wanted to go home and then sleep some

Tosh was also thinking of bed

Her little plastic tiara still placed on her head

.

Myfanwy watched over her flock with delight

All in all it was not a bad night.


End file.
